Autonomy

 Autonomy

You would think after 74 years I would recognize my problem when it returns to rob my peace and contentment. Maybe I just don't want to admit it. Deep in my heart there is a longing to take control of my own life--unconsciously saying that I know best what is good for me--certainly more than He does. Oh, I don't mind following His will for my life as long as I get to decide what it is. And His will is not just the use of the gift or gifts He has given me, but He also has the place picked out where He desires me to exercise those gifts. It's not as if He needs me--as Mordecai told Esther, "If you don't do this, He'll just find someone else--someone else He can use to be a channel of blessing, someone else He can bless for surrendering into obedience to His will." The reason He has called me to where I am--Worthington Christian High School, to teach, and to teach the seniors (primarily) is because that is the place of blessing for me. It is what's best for me at this time in my walk with Him--and it has been that way since 1986, though He has moved me from discipline to discipline and from age level to age level. And by His grace in this place, He can use me to touch others and bless them in His Name. And He has given me dear friends and fellow colleagues who I love deeply to sharpen me in my ministry--in His ministry.

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Oh, He can use my struggles for autonomy and the mistakes that spring from it for His glory and my good, but the best He has for me arises from my simple obedience and the embracing of His control over my life and my decisions. His infinitely patient control. When I struggle with surrender and murmur against His will, it is invariably a desire for self-worship disguised in the arrogance of autonomy, that undermines my contentment and passion for His guidance and blessing. Yes, it is to despise His blessing to try to take control of my own life.

Beware my friends. To struggle for control of your own life is a disaster. Wiser than God you are not. Omniscient you are not. Is there any choice more destructive than to choose to be your own god and demand that He accept your choice--surrender to your will? When your contentment starts to waver, pick up a dictionary and read the definition for "autonomy." And then the definition for "arrogance." And then the definition for "disaster." Yep, that's your picture they are using to illustrate the meanings. Next to mine. Trust Him! His love never fails. The earthly kings will raise their scepters, and God will use you where you are to bless His people.

Passing By

 Understands that long after his students have forgotten what he taught them, they will remember how he treated them--every day and on those days they had a special need. No student in tears ever walks past him.

Or you a passer-by or an embracer. Sometimes (too often) we forget that we are the heart and hands of Jesus. When Jesus encountered a person with a need, His compassion responded. And how they responded to His compassion was irrelevant. Ten lepers healed--one said "thank you." Lame man at the Pool of Shiloam, out of fear pointed the finger at Jesus as the real problem--"it's His fault I 'worked' on the Sabbath." Fed the 5000 even though He knew their motives were all wrong--wanted their physical needs met--wanted a Bread King--not so interested in their spiritual needs. But Jesus ;looked up, saw them, and was moved with compassion.

If there is one gift I hope the Spirit continues to build into my life, it's the sensitivity to those around me who are hurting and struggling. My agenda so often strays from His agenda--"love one another as I have loved you." If a student comes into my room upset about anything, on the verge of tears, reflecting in his or her body language that they are in sorrow, may my one priority for that class be that the student knows that he or she is loved and that their Savior cares. If a student--even if I don't know them--walks by me in the hall in tears, may my agenda for that moment be to be sure he or she knows that they are loved and cared for. Even if I ask them if they are okay, and they "lie" and say they are, I must be sure that they know that He cares. I have been placed in those moments to be the heart and hands and voice of God's love. It is not an "accident' that I am there at that precise moment in the eternal plans of God.

By God's grace and the Spirit's prompting may there never be anyone who passes by.

Decisions

 Fears the Lord: Never makes a decision without asking himself, "How will this decision affect my relationship with God?"

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Life is full of them. Some we deem to be more important than others--and they do have a greater impact on our earthly life--but every decision impacts our relationship with Him, and is thus, of utmost importance. When we make a decision that takes us one step away from Him, it can too easily lead us to making a second decision that takes me another step away from the intimacy I need with Him--the source of my joy, the source of my spiritual strength for each step of each day. After all, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

And He is interested in each decision we make. We are His child, and He is our loving Father. We are not some insignificant being wandering our way through history. We are a part of His plan to glorify Himself--to make Him known to the world, known to that place in the world where He has placed us. We matter to Him--and His desire is to lead us down the path saturated with His love for us.

We must first test our decision against the truths and promises of His Word. If my decision violates the teaching of the Word, it is the wrong decision. Then, I must ask in prayer for His guidance. "Ask and you will receive," is a promise not a suggestion. And then we must ask for the wisdom to "see" the answer through the eyes of faith. And then we must ask for the courage to obey and follow His leading. And the most difficult part for me often is to follow the same course He has set me on unless He gives clear direction to go in a different direction. As Spurgeon as said, "If I can't see the hand of God, I must trust the heart of God."

My heart's one desire has to be to never hurt His heart. I must embrace the truth that my decisions are important to Him. I must ask Him for His guidance. I must embrace His answer or "silence" as the path of love He has prepared for me. And then, I must obey with all my heart.

Saturation

 Saturates himself with the Word of God; is filled with the Spirit.

I often forget that my calling--whatever it may be--is --as I say often--to be Christ in the room wherever He has sent me. I must have the Spirit in control of my life, my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes or that is impossible. The Spirit cannot reveal Christ through me unless I am dedicated to His infilling. And the only way to be filled by His power is to saturate myself with the Word. The Word is His sword to prune away the me that I would rather have people see than Him. The Word are the thoughts of God, and only the Spirit can show me their beauty, their truth, and their necessity for discipleship. Unless my conversation is imbued with His words, those I talk to will only be moved by my charisma, my wisdom, my insights, and even if change seems to occur, it will be temporary because only the Spirit can produce genuine transformation. The Word is the mirror that the Spirit holds in front of me that I might see the distance between His image and my own. Thus He calls on me to allow Him to humble me and to transform me more and more into His image. By focusing on Him and His beauty, He will enable me like Moses to shine with His presence, His glory, and not mine. People will know that I have been with Jesus. The answer to "mirror, mirror, on the wall . . . " is never me. Always--Christ and Christ alone.

So, when I sense my passion for what He has called me to do cooling, I know it's time to get back into the Word. When I feel my effectiveness fading--even though I am teaching the same ideas in the same words I've used before, I know that it is time to get back into the Word. When I feel my commitment to His calling in my life waning, I know it's time to get back into the Word. At such times I find, invariably, that I have been neglecting my time with Him in the Word and/or trying to live on a second-hand relationship with the Word--not personally immersed in His love letter to me. When my passion for my calling wanes, when my effectiveness in my calling falters, when my diligence and dedication to my calling numbs, I know the cure--time with Him alone, in His Word, so I can be filled and empowered by the Spirit to be Christ in the room every day. And the first thing that returns--joy in serving Jesus.

Morning

 The sky is just starting to brighten. I can hear Homesteader "knocking" on the front doorwindow so there must be another cat checking out the cave this morning. I suppose my friends with little ones are already up--either because the kids are up and raring to go or because it's the only time they can catch a little "me time." Reckon I'll mosey into school this afternoon to see how much work I can put off a little while longer. Still praying. God is never in a hurry, is He? I'm 74--and I still need to learn patience. Impatience is just another form of selfishness. Been reading a good book--Thin Blue Smoke. Still have two more poems to memorize to reach my goal of 70 for the summer. Have one picked out. One more to go. When I can't sleep, quoting them to myself can help me drift off into rest. Still have a couple beds to re-do--real work. But as you can imagine, I love it. I am off to enjoy the day God has given me. "When morning gilds the sky, my heart awakening cries, may Jesus Christ be praised"

Love you all. Be good!

Carnal Weapons

One of the greatest dangers believers have in today's world is the tendency to miss-identify the enemy and chose the wrong weapons. We have often been told that our enemy is not flesh and blood; and yet, we are always attacking people. And we then attack them with carnal weapons--the same weapons they use to attack us. And for His disciples carnal weapons usually are rooted in our spiritual pride. Our true Enemy must be dancing with glee when we go into the spiritual battle using his weapons--hate, derogatory comments on someone's character, people-focused anger, derision. We're fighting his battle for him--in Christ's name. Chance of spiritual victory--zero.

We must use spiritual weapons to "wage war" against spiritual enemies--gentleness, love, kindness, prayer, life's of unwavering obedience, patience, self-control, speaking the truth in love. The victory is not to the "strong" or the "wise," but to the "soldier" who lives a life of grace and mercy in words and actions. Any victory in the battle for men's souls will be won by the Spirit through those who are willing to endure hardship as a good soldier of Christ by constantly radiating the fruit of the Spirit in our daily walk. May we not be mirror images of the enemy, but beautiful images of the Christ who lives within us--Our Captain of Love.

Great Love

The One who knows everything about us--our struggles, our thoughts, our doubts, our failures, our motivations, our every word, our self-righteousness, our self-centeredness is the One who loves us more deeply, unconditionally, loyally, and faithfully than any other. He is our Greatest Lover.

"This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience--it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive; it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.

Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen." (Phillips)

Joy and Sorrow

The height of one's joy is commiserate with the depth of one's sorrow. A singing, joyful heart rises from the complete surrender to the Spirit's control as He leads us along the path of God's will--His good and perfect will. "Present your bodies a living sacrifice." Then, you will sing spontaneously, all day long, "In my heart there rings a melody, there rings a melody of love." And you will sing it not just with words, but with the powerful touch of a joyous life.