Loving Someone

Loving someone--spouse, child, sibling, peer, pastor, friend, enemy--is never an easy thing to do. And, of course, the reason it is so difficult is that we are so deeply in love with ourselves. We are looking for people who will love us. If the way they treat us doesn't measure up to our expectations, the relationship suffers. If they are not doing what we think they should be doing, the relationship suffers. Whenever self-interest enters the relationship, love leaves.
Genuine--spontaneous--love is based on how I can love them, not how they should love me. I am not concerned with how good of a spouse he or she is, how good of a child he or she is, how good of a friend he or she is, but rather I am concerned with how loving of a spouse, father, friend I am.
God says that genuine love is constructive, edifying, it builds up; it does not tear down. Genuine love believes the one loved, expects the best, and consistently defends the one loved. Genuine love can't be turned off, isn't spasmodic, never runs out of patience. Genuine love has no limits on its endurance or its trust. Genuine love sees the differences between himself and the other person as a way for them to complement each other, as a way to increase the effectiveness of the two, as a way of providing balance in the relationship. Genuine love does not assume the worst in someone else's behavior or draw conclusions as to the motives of their heart. Genuine love is not possessive, nor does it manipulate or use guilt as a weapon. Genuine love is not jealous, is not in competition with others, does not try to impress others. Genuine love does not keep a record of other people's failures or shortcomings and hold them over their heads. Genuine love gives the benefit of the doubt. Genuine love does not play favorites; it abhors bigotry. Genuine love cherishes all opportunities to forgive.
Such love is only possible as I submit to the Spirit of God who enables me to love others as He loves me, who empowers me to submit myself to the good of the other person. If my love is not in keeping with God's description of love, it is not love at all. It is sin. It is destructive in the lives of others. It blasphemes the character of God. It reveals that our claim to be His disciple is fraudulent, hypocritical, a lie. We have no intention of denying ourselves.
May His Spirit make us living examples of genuine love in all our relationships. Until we allow Him to so transform us, we will be discontent, afraid of forming relationships that have any depth, and wondering why people find it so difficult to love us. No one is more miserable than the believer who is full of himself instead of full of Christ. Their lives will always be incomplete. They will always be immature, babes in Christ, devoid of a deeper understanding of Him, the One who is love.