A Deadly Warfare

I fight a constant battle: contentment against ingratitude. And I fight it in a variety of venues. Sometimes jealousy creeps into my thoughts. I see someone with the same gift that God has given me, but I wish my gift was more like his or hers. Or sometimes the battle is just plain envy. I see what someone else has that I don't, and I want it--even believe that I deserve it. Certainly more than that person does. Once in awhile it comes in the guise of fear. I imagine my future and it looks bleak. It is most definitely not going to be what I had planned. How could God let that happen? How dare He let it happen. I have been faithful. And, of course, sometimes the battle is fought over my past--the things I've lost--things that other people still have and enjoy--but I can never have again. Jealousy and envy all wrapped up in one horrible weight of anger. The tragedy of such a battle is that nothing undermines my relationship with God more surely than a heart of ingratitude. Ingratitude denies God's love, questions His wisdom, eats away at my faith, affects my love for others, and slowly destroys my trust and confidence in my Savior's provision. And what makes it even more dangerous to my relationship with Him is that I can lose this battle by not doing anything wrong. I'm just thinking wrong. I can still be reading my Bible, praying, using the gifts He has graciously given me; and yet, I can be drifting away from the intimacy with Him that is the source of my joy and strength. I can be a "busy, busy" Christian without the slightest sense of His presence in my life and daily walk. Ice cold Christianity hidden in the sweat of activity. And with a mind filled with rebellion. Yes, ingratitude is pernicious rebellion.
How can I win this most frightful battle? Certainly not with an increase in religious busyness. Certainly not by telling myself that I don't experience such a warfare in my thought life. How then? I must take every thought captive to obedience. I must "in everything give thanks." Too simple, you say? Never doubt the simplicity that is in Christ Jesus--His eternal love, infinite wisdom, and empowering grace. All those treasures saturate my life only through daily obedience. Thankfully He made me uniquely who I am, placed me uniquely where He needs me to be that His eternal plan for the ages might be fulfilled through me for His glory. I am not an accident. He doesn't need the other person where He has placed me. He created me for this. Thankfully He has given me everything I need for godliness. Thankfully He has given me more than I need to live a life filled with joyful contentment. And my imagined future is just that--imagined. And honestly, in human terms, it may be "worse" than I imagine. But thankfully He will be there with me..He will never leave me or forsake me. The God of all comfort--all comfort--is my God. He is always by my side. No, He is always living in me. The things that I've lost? They would have been obstacles to my deepening relationship with Him. Idols. His preeminence in my life would have been thwarted by their presence. Thankfully through the losses I have found Him faithful. Loyal. I have found His lovingkindness to be my most important "possession."

Every night down on your knees thank Him that He has made you uniquely you, uniquely His servant to accomplish His will at this time and in this place. He didn't have to.

Every night down on your knees thank Him that He has provided for you all that you need spiritually and physically to live a life of joyful contentment. Today. All day.

Every night down on your knees thank Him that He will be at the center of your future. His presence in your life is inescapable. You will never be alone.

Every night down on your knees thank Him that He has lovingly and wisely taken out of your life those things that would be a hindrance to a deepening, satisfying relationship with Him. No matter how "good" they seemed to be to you.

It is a daily battle. Fought subtly in your thoughts Won by obedience: "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus." Love, the foundation for a deepening relationship with Him, is impossible without obedience.