"I
would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness
of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong,
and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."
One
of the reasons I struggle at times with fear and anxiety is that I don't
have the courage--and integrity--to admit that I'm afraid, that I have
real fears. Like the psalmist when I look around
me, there are plenty of "natural" reasons to teeter on the edge of
despair. I don't have any trouble making a list of real fears that I
have about my own situation, about my children's lives, about the
direction of the church, about the judgment that I believe is inevitable
for my country. Fearful is an easy mode to slip into. I have fears.
Lots of them.
But when I am willing to admit those fears, I am then
able to release those fears into the goodness of God's care. And the
exciting thing, the uplifting truth, is that God's goodness is for the
here and now--not just the Later On. God is good. It's not just God
will be good. He can and does bring goodness out of all things--even
deliberate evil. Ask Joseph. Resting in that truth brings the joy that
makes one strong, and the joy that allows one to not just wait, but to
soar while waiting on wings of faith. Until I can honestly and humbly
come before God and cry out, "I am afraid," I will never find the
release that enables me to wait eagerly for the day I will see His
goodness. And I will never be able to allow His Spirit to develop
within my soul a strong, courageous heart. There is no room for despair
in a heart filled with love for God--the God who is so good to me. The
God who loves me so.
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